I just this afternoon finished reading a book called "The Bastard on the Couch." Interesting title, it's actually the sequel to "The Bitch in the House." The wife wrote the first one, the husband the second. The essence of the book is a compilation of essays written by husbands (or ex-husbands) on why they are lazy, prefer to watch TV over one-on-one communication, prefer the guys over quality time with the wife, and, in reality, tend to chase after women who are not their wives.

It was really a quite fascinating book, even though the reality and reasoning behind the essays are flawed. I had picked up the book on a whim at Barnes and Noble, and it intrigued me due to the fact that three close friends of ours are experiencing marital unhappiness (one is actually almost divorced, one is separated, and the other doesn't look good). More than 50% of marriages end in divorce today, why are so many men and women unhappy in their marital situations?

I won't go into details about the book, but I would like to discuss what I have come to conclude on this issue. The ultimate problem, as I see it, lies in contentment, or lack thereof. Men and women today are not content with the direction their lives have taken. They have these grand visions of mega-careers, exotic vacations, romantic dinners at "swanky" restaurants, perfect houses in the right neighborhoods, private schools when the kids come, then off into the sunset with retirements with no financial worries. I tend to drift off into those dreams often myself. Then reality slaps me big-time!

In many cases, it is interesting to find that this is exactly how many young marriages start, especially among young, urban, professionals (yuppies). With no kids, two incomes, professional careers, many couples are able to put aside a great deal of money while also living a plush lifestyle. The first few years lead to the misconception that a utopian marriage is attainable.

But the existential nature of our lives and our marriages come back to bite us. Eventually, if the kids are not already in the picture, couples become bored with each other. Filling the void in our lives with things (trips, dinners, furniture, etc) doesn't cut it, and men and women begin to fall apart. That is also typically the time when kids come into the picture, which can dampen the marriage spirits even more. Life all of the sudden becomes much harder, we ask ourselves what we have bought into, and then all too often sell at the first opportunity. On the outside, it's the best situation for all, but in reality we suffer for the rest of our lives, as many of the men who wrote in "Bastard..." alluded to.

What this all comes down to, again, then is contentment. We buy into the lie of Hollywood or the culture, we believe there is more out there, and when we don't find "it" in our marriages or 9-5 lives, we run off to find it, leaving behind a wake of turmoil.

To end, notice that I have often to referred to "us" or "we" in this post. That is because I struggle with many of these issues. I'll admit (and I let Lisa read this before I posted it) that sometimes (all right, many times) in my flesh I buy into this lie. I think the grass may be greener on the other side, sometimes I don't want to come home from work and practice and change a diaper, give a bath, read a book, or make a tent. Lisa probably feels the same. No, I'm sure Lisa feels the same. Add that to the fact that I'm no Calvin Klein model and Lisa does not pose for Victoria Secret, I don't make near the money I would like to buy the things I want to impress the people I don't even like (stolen from "Fight Club"), I would rather live in a more moderate climate (i.e. the Caribbean, Mexico, the Mediterranean, Australia, anywhere warm). It would be easy to run, but that's not the answer.

I have found more and more lately that thougt in my flesh I desire these things, in my spirit they give me or gain nor bring any fulfillment. Although there are nights when I would rather not play with Maiya, when I come home and get a big smile from her, when she comes up to me and tells me how much she loves me, when she asks me to play with her and gives me those eyes there is really nothing I would rather be doing. And when Lisa and I are able to connect and spend some quality time together, there is no other person in the world I would rather spend the rest of my life with. I have been blessed beyond anything I could ever imagine, and with the Lord in my life, there is nothing more I could ask for.

It's a tough lesson to learn, contentment is not easy, the culture doesn't call us to be content. The culture tells us that marriage traps us and there is freedom beyond the boundaries that God lays out in His marital plan. I am finding more and more that when we can be content with the place we are at in our lives, the true fulfillment that we seek in life will present itself in ways we never imagined. I just hope my friends find that out before it is too late.

The following is a poem written by a student of mine:

The tears hurt as they fall from my soul
Ripping my body apart I'm losing control
I turn to look at myself in the mirror
All I see is fear
The fear of a child that has not found her way
The fear of a person whose better judgment has skipped a few days
I see my beautiful hazel eyes' emptiness
I see the pain devouring my innocent soul
And yet I cannot feel it.

First, you have to check out this link. It's amazing to think that this sort of things happens right under our nose. It makes me even more sure of starting the organization I posted last week.
http://www.wisinfo.com/postcrescent/news/archive/local_19869616.shtml

Second, I don't care who you are, you need to watch Eminem's movie "8 Mile." Say what you want about him, like him or hate him (and I am not a big fan), but if you want to see life in the inner city and the victims of it, you need to watch this movie. People wonder why he is so angry, they need to watch this movie. If Christians truly want to reach out to this world (and I doubt the truth of that statement for many of us), they need to understand this culture. It will be required watching if I ever teach a college level class.

Last Friday was an in-service day for teachers in my district, which means the kids don't come to school and we engage in professional education for the day. I like it, others don't. Anyway, the theme for the day was "Celebrate What's Right with Kimberly" and as a district staff we watched a National Geographic movie called something to the tune of "Celebrate What's Right With the World." All in all, good movie. A fellow believer mentioned to me toward the end, however, that all of this is fine and dandy, but Jesus is still the answer, Jesus is still the only hope in the world.

I agree with this, and this provides the perfect segway into what I have been meaning to write for some time. By nature and theology, I am apocalyptic. The main theological characteristics of apocalyptic thought are as follows:

1) Stress on the sovereignty and transcendence of God
2) Description of the cosmic struggle of good and evil, God and Satan, angels and demons
3) Dominance of a mood of strain and tension, with pessimism concerning the present
4) Expectation of the ultimate triumph of God, seen as imminent, future, and wholly supernatural
5) Deemphasis on human wisdom and strength in the declining world situation-this age is passing away. The age to come will arrive by divine intervention and according to the divine plan. Nothing can stop it.

This puts me in a quandry. Like the narrator of the movie, I want to see what is good in this world. From the standpoint of a believer, I want to celebrate the beauty of God's Creation, I want to see the good in people, I want to extend unconditional grace. I want to look with joy upon the little boys and girls in Asia being delivered from the bondage of the caste system and finding peace and joy through Christ in Gospel for Asia's "Bridge of Hope" program. The 30,000 Chinese entering the Kingdom of God on a daily basis have to bring tears to one's face, as do the Rwandan Refugees in Nairobi given an opportunity to make a living for them and their children as bakers rather than selling their bodies for food. I could go on, as there is a lot of good in this world to celebrate, and I want to be optimistic.

Yet, and by nature I am a cynic and a skeptic, there is another side. Unfortunately, probably for every child put in GFA's schools, there are 1000 on the waiting list. Prostitution is still the only viable means of putting food on the table for far too many women on this planet. More and more children are being sold into the sex trade every day and millions of people still live in unreached parts of the world.

Therefore, as much as I want to look at the world with optimism, unfortunately it seems that's not the only way. Do I want to see potential in every person I meet, of course I do! As a teacher, I must give every student the opportunity to succeed, and many need a smile and a hand up in life due to their home circumstances. I must give a smile on the street or a kind word at the supermarket as God has called me to love. I must give more than one chance as I have received infinite second chances from the Lord. Yet I must also realize the nature of this world, that it is a fallen world, it is under the control of the evil one, and it is passing away.

I end with this short story. In Kenya this past summer, we had a roundtable discussion (it was outside in a circle on church pews) and some the questions the Kenyans asked us dealt with cultural issues. "How do we discipline our children who will not obey their parents?" "As a teacher, what can I do when a student refuses to work?" "What about these kids who walk around with their underwear hanging out and refuse to do their studies?" Those questions were the same that we deal with here in America, and the only answer I had for them was Jesus. In my mind, there is no human way to stop the trend we see in our culture. The religious right would like to think that we can legislate it, but that won't work. Others say live and let live, let them do as they choose, but that is not the answer either. We can choose to be optimistic in life and see the good in the world, but without Christ it is of no value. The answer lies in the message of Christ and the Kingdom of God. Preach the Kingdom, spread the grace of God, live as Jesus did, and one at a time God's people will turn to Him. Unfortunately from Scripture we know that things are going to continue to get worse, but we can be good stewards of what God has given us and through His power spread His light and turn as many as we can into followers of Him.

Has it really been a week...?

I'm going to go on a rant, so please bear with me. I was told today that someone didn't want to support "my ministry" (referring to Tumaini with the orphan support) because they didn't "just want to feed and take care of children." Two things before I continue, first, I don't care if someone wants to support "my ministry" or not, and this is not the point I am trying to make. Second, I believe, I "pisteuo" believe (beyond a doubt) that in ministry, the overlying purpose is always to bring the person you are ministering to faith in Christ or a deeper walk with Him. Having said that, I am very taken back by this comment. The underlying thought seems to be that "just feeding and taking care of children" is not ministry and is second to, for example, a Gospel for Asia missionary who is out planting churches and leading evangelistic crusades. The problem with this, however, is that the GFA missionary is also feeding children, supporting orphans, helping the invalids, and so on. The two, service and evangelism, are bound together in a knot, and rarely does one happen without the other. As is the case with "my ministry," the children are fed, clothed, educated, and given a chance in life as well as having the Gospel shared and followed up with three times a year in a large setting and weekly on a smaller scale. Service and evangelism are not two separate entities in "my ministry" nor are they in the Gospel. We all know the Scriptures, "Whatever you do to the least of my people you do unto me." "Let the little children come to me." "Go and do likewise." "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress..." "And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward.” To be honest, and I don't mean to get arrogant here but I seek to make a point, "my ministry" seems more in line with the message of Christ than the one this person was going to support, but that is neither here nor there. The point, again, is that service and evangelism need to work together to achieve the outcome we desire.

I picked up this week's edition of TIME today at school and was intrigued by the cover stating "The 25 Most Influential Evangelicals in America." Immediately I was hard-hearted since more and more I find myself distancing my way of thinking from that of most traditional Evangelicals. Pictures of Rick Warren, James Dobson, T.D. Jake, and Joyce Meyer don't conjure up images of heroes of the faith, nor do they move me to a deeper faith in Christ. If anything it's just the opposite. Yet in paging through the articles, I did find some people that I hold a deep respect for, though I may not know as much about them as I would like. One is Franklin Graham (who along with his father were grouped into one), others include Jay Sekulow (Center for Law & Justice) John Stott (author and principal framer of 1974 Lausanne Covenant), and Ralph Winter (whose work in US Center for World Mission and Frontier Mission Fellowship I am just becoming familiar with). Of course, all 25 are probably great men whose hearts began in the right spot, and who knows how I would handle the worldly success they have received. Again, my heart is more and more being separated from traditional evangelical thinking and moving more to a grass roots "who would Jesus spend time with and how would He act in this world" sort of thinking, much different than we find in typical Evangelical circles.

This from the Evangelical Outpost. You can view the full article at the following link:
http://www.internetmonk.com/archives/2005/01/019842.html

This Joel Osteen, a young man who stumbled into his father's shoes, now is the most successful pastor in America, and will soon be a best selling author, seen and heard around the world standing in a pulpit, preaching pragmatic positive thinking, pure and simple, out of an open Bible. He will represent evangelicalism with his big smile and a message that would make Screwtape shout "Amen! Preach it brother."
This is where evangelicalism has come to in 2005. This is what the heirs of the Reformation have come to accept as acceptable. This is what can be endorsed and advertised to evangelicals and be sure to sell millions of copies.
It makes me angry and I want to do something.
Osteen is the pastor of the 30,000 member Lakewood Church in Houston and a Robert Schuller-style "think positive and be blessed" type of minister. The day he becomes the representative for evangelicalism is the day that I stop calling myself an evangelical.

I am going to post my answer to the question I mentioned in my post last night regarding why churches support overseas missions so much as well as a situation where a cell group was going to focus on fellowship and games instead of searching God's Word:

Now you've got me going...

First, you are right in your criticism about churches bragging about supporting X and Y missionaries, especially if they are Western in non-Western countries, who for the most part do absolutely nothing in terms of expanding the Kingdom (that was a broad statement, too general, but point taken). Support must go to native-born missionaries, but as I found out in Kenya this summer, Westerners are hesitant to support such a cause. We will blindly give all of our money to an institution with investments and land holdings and basically no accountability, etc. (I am talking about a church) yet hesitate to support a native missionary on the grounds that they don't think his or her integrity are strong enough when they are leading people to Jesus by the droves.

In brief, funding needs to go overseas because that is where the harvest is and the needs are. We get racist in America and spend all this money and time on hard hearts when $30 a month can go to a GFA missionary who will start 20 churches and lead 500 people to the Lord in a year, when we may spend a thousand times that on outreach and see one person come to the Lord. I'm not saying that one person is not important or it's wrong to do that, but there must be a balance, and I feel contrary to what you said that not enough conern or funding is going overseas. Consider the following quote:

In 1900, 95% of the church was in the West, and white. By the year 2000 it is estimated that 60% of the world's Christians will be in non-Western countries, a testimony to God who worked during the traditional missionary movement) despite the flaws of his messengers and the flaws of their methods.

In saying that, action needs to be done in the local community balanced with meeting the needs of the people. Talk about a way to witness to the glory of the Lord, how about buying a washer and dryer for a single mom who works full time and has that need. I just heard of a situation like this yesterday and a group of believers who met that need. It was brought to a church but told it had to go to committee and was never tabled again. Or like the situation at another church this summer where it was said that the church had no money in their budget to meet a very simple need. Now I'm getting angy!

Another question on the group, and it's none of my business, but don't you think you can do both fellowship and lead them closer to a knowledge of the Lord. You are right that you don't have to pound theology and doctrine, but what about focusing on the meta-narrative. There are so many stories and parables and teaching points available in Scripture, why go away from that. Show them the love of the Savior, not the legalistic Jesus that we present today. Just some thoughts, like I said, none of my business, I just get concerned when we dumb people down and make it all about fun and fellowship. It doesn't work.