I just this afternoon finished reading a book called "The Bastard on the Couch." Interesting title, it's actually the sequel to "The Bitch in the House." The wife wrote the first one, the husband the second. The essence of the book is a compilation of essays written by husbands (or ex-husbands) on why they are lazy, prefer to watch TV over one-on-one communication, prefer the guys over quality time with the wife, and, in reality, tend to chase after women who are not their wives.

It was really a quite fascinating book, even though the reality and reasoning behind the essays are flawed. I had picked up the book on a whim at Barnes and Noble, and it intrigued me due to the fact that three close friends of ours are experiencing marital unhappiness (one is actually almost divorced, one is separated, and the other doesn't look good). More than 50% of marriages end in divorce today, why are so many men and women unhappy in their marital situations?

I won't go into details about the book, but I would like to discuss what I have come to conclude on this issue. The ultimate problem, as I see it, lies in contentment, or lack thereof. Men and women today are not content with the direction their lives have taken. They have these grand visions of mega-careers, exotic vacations, romantic dinners at "swanky" restaurants, perfect houses in the right neighborhoods, private schools when the kids come, then off into the sunset with retirements with no financial worries. I tend to drift off into those dreams often myself. Then reality slaps me big-time!

In many cases, it is interesting to find that this is exactly how many young marriages start, especially among young, urban, professionals (yuppies). With no kids, two incomes, professional careers, many couples are able to put aside a great deal of money while also living a plush lifestyle. The first few years lead to the misconception that a utopian marriage is attainable.

But the existential nature of our lives and our marriages come back to bite us. Eventually, if the kids are not already in the picture, couples become bored with each other. Filling the void in our lives with things (trips, dinners, furniture, etc) doesn't cut it, and men and women begin to fall apart. That is also typically the time when kids come into the picture, which can dampen the marriage spirits even more. Life all of the sudden becomes much harder, we ask ourselves what we have bought into, and then all too often sell at the first opportunity. On the outside, it's the best situation for all, but in reality we suffer for the rest of our lives, as many of the men who wrote in "Bastard..." alluded to.

What this all comes down to, again, then is contentment. We buy into the lie of Hollywood or the culture, we believe there is more out there, and when we don't find "it" in our marriages or 9-5 lives, we run off to find it, leaving behind a wake of turmoil.

To end, notice that I have often to referred to "us" or "we" in this post. That is because I struggle with many of these issues. I'll admit (and I let Lisa read this before I posted it) that sometimes (all right, many times) in my flesh I buy into this lie. I think the grass may be greener on the other side, sometimes I don't want to come home from work and practice and change a diaper, give a bath, read a book, or make a tent. Lisa probably feels the same. No, I'm sure Lisa feels the same. Add that to the fact that I'm no Calvin Klein model and Lisa does not pose for Victoria Secret, I don't make near the money I would like to buy the things I want to impress the people I don't even like (stolen from "Fight Club"), I would rather live in a more moderate climate (i.e. the Caribbean, Mexico, the Mediterranean, Australia, anywhere warm). It would be easy to run, but that's not the answer.

I have found more and more lately that thougt in my flesh I desire these things, in my spirit they give me or gain nor bring any fulfillment. Although there are nights when I would rather not play with Maiya, when I come home and get a big smile from her, when she comes up to me and tells me how much she loves me, when she asks me to play with her and gives me those eyes there is really nothing I would rather be doing. And when Lisa and I are able to connect and spend some quality time together, there is no other person in the world I would rather spend the rest of my life with. I have been blessed beyond anything I could ever imagine, and with the Lord in my life, there is nothing more I could ask for.

It's a tough lesson to learn, contentment is not easy, the culture doesn't call us to be content. The culture tells us that marriage traps us and there is freedom beyond the boundaries that God lays out in His marital plan. I am finding more and more that when we can be content with the place we are at in our lives, the true fulfillment that we seek in life will present itself in ways we never imagined. I just hope my friends find that out before it is too late.